The Halloween Zine: It's time to kick the Halloween spirit into high gear, d*** it!
#1 - Some would say it's too early. They would be WRONG
Spirit Halloween ghosted me this week.
Like a resume-deluged prospective employer with a soul-sucking corporate culture, they left me hanging.
“Well, that’s great. That’s just f***in’ great, man! Now what the f*** are we supposed to do? We’re in some real pretty s***, now man! That’s it, man. Game over, man. Game over!”
Corporal Hudson, after the drop ship coming to rescue them crashes
Aliens (1986)
You’d think that’d be mighty tough, maybe borderline impossible, for a brick-and-mortar retailer. Even one whose business model relies heavily on pop-up stores. Ghosting me?
Well, it’s a thing.
Maybe it was payback for last season, when they set up camp in my town and I made several trips over a period of weeks because IT’S SPIRIT HALLOWEEN.
Maybe they were managing boundaries with me this year: Let’s tear off the tourniquet, they thought, and watch the life force leave him with Michael Myers-like fascination.
And you know what?
“I’ll be back.”
The Terminator, to the desk sergeant after scanning the police station’s structure. You know what happened next.
The Terminator (1984)
I say that despite my disappointment with the store being closed. Okay, I was a little crushed. And I tried to crush back.
Turns out those glass doors are much, much harder to shatter with a rage-fueled kick than they look.
I mean, It’s the middle of AUGUST, already. Pop that s*** up and take my money, will ya?!
Michael’s to the rescue (not that Michael)
Fortunately, Michael’s was all too happy to take some of that money before we set out on our ill-fated trip to Ghost Town USA.
What’d our money buy?
Only the coolest unicorn skeleton ever for our daughter. I call it a unicorpse:
Growing up in New Jersey, Labor Day was the last hurrah before the school year kicked in.
That’s not how they roll here in the south. At least a week ago, the school buses started making the rounds, much to the dismay of their sleepy-eyed passengers. Seeing them waiting at the neighborhood bus stops makes me want to slip into my Michael Myers costume and help them get their blood pumping.
I’m glad they’re back in school because that means some school supply displays will yield to Halloween merch. I hit Target expecting a sea of orange and black. Not yet.
Lowes Home Improvement had this animatronic gem:
He sounds quite a bit like Geoffrey Rush’s Barbossa from “Pirates of the Caribbean”. And his eyes look like Godzilla’s on nuclear overcharge.
Maybe WalMart can take a cue for its holiday greeters?
The facehuggers are back!
Alien: Romulus opened this past Thursday, and it’s getting great reviews. The consensus is it’s the best since James Cameron’s adrenaline-fueled 1986 hit, Aliens.
I’m a huge fan of Ridley Scott, his original movie, and James Cameron’s sequel, so I can’t wait to see it. The original has one of the best taglines ever:
“In space, no one can hear you scream.”
Alien: Romulus’s director, Fede Alvarez, knows how to create nerve-jangling suspense. He co-wrote and directed, Don’t Breathe, a thriller that cost under ten million and made over $150 million at the box office.
Based on just the trailers, he’s nailed the Alien world’s aesthetic. The movie is certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes and projected to bring in between $40 and 42 million.
I’ll share my thoughts in the next edition.
What’s next for the Halloween movie franchise
Halloween Ends was merely the end of David Gordon Green’s time heling the franchise. While he and his co-conspirators co-writers thought they put an end to Michael Myers (WTF??), well… you can’t keep an icon down.
Insidethemagic.net reports plans to reboot the franchise with a television series, then follow it up with a new movie.
I’m curious to see where they go with this. The Hannibal televison series did well thanks to a stellar showrunner and creative team.
They could also take inspiration from Keifer Sutherland’s 24 and have each episode cover an hour of Halloween in real time.
John Carpenter’s new Halloween project
John Carpenter’s working on TWO video games based on the Halloween series. Double the Shape, double the fun.
I can’t wait to see the teasers for these when they’re ready. Besides, he owes us for signing off on the travesties that were Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends.
I’ll give them the post mortem they deserve in a future newsletter.
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