The Halloween Zine: More movie and television news

#16: And a few horror misfires to keep it real

While you and I keep the spirit alive on a daily basis, the rest of the world wants more variety. Like holidays. And seasons. And birthdays. But not workdays. I think most people would be on board with that.

Hello, Superfans!

The curl-up-on-the-couch-beneath-a-blanket weather is moving in for a few months. Gives you plenty of time to catch up on some viewing while you wait for what’s coming soon-ish.

“They’re baaack.”

Carol Anne, announcing the presence of yet another ghostly presence in her family’s home after answering her ringing toy phone

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)

Who’s back, you ask?

They are:

Wayans Bros. return to The Scary Movie franchise

I hope you like my artwork. That dollar sign I added to pluralize “sequel,” the word “more,” and the strike-through the word “No” are all handcrafted. DIY design FIRE!

Marlon Wayans confirmed to Entertainment Weekly that he and his brothers are returning to the franchise they co-created with 2000’s Scary Movie.

The last Scary movie was 2013’s Scary Movie 5, giving them more than a decade’s worth of horror movies to plunder for parody.

An Alien: Earth plot crumb

If I had the design skills, I’d make that crack in the Earth a smiley face.

In last week’s edition, I spoke about this upcoming television series’s 15-second, do-not-sneeze-or-you’ll-miss-half-the-teaser trailer.

Well, I’m back with a plot morsel that left me wanting more.

The FX series follows a ragtag tactical team investigating a mysterious vessel that’s crash-landed on Earth in 2120.

Maybe aliens need better mechanics aboard their spacecrafts.

Maybe some hair-trigger Earthlings shot it down. Not gonna name names.

I will name Sydney Chandler, who plays the young woman leading the squad.

It’ll be interesting to see how the story world handles xenomorphs on Earth. Will the public be aware, or will it be treated like Area 51?

Though the ragtag team element strikes me as cliche`, I’ll keep an open mind until because I want to (a) trust the studio (←will that age well?) made a wise decision with a valuable IP and (2) see what series creator Noah Hawley (Fargo, Legion, and more) does with it.

The page I linked includes a lock screens you can download to get your daily xenomorph dose.

More David Gordon Green bashing

Michael Myers isn’t the only one who’d like a stab at the Halloween Ends director.

Collider ranked his four horror movies, and we’re on the same page.

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen these and don’t want spoilers, skip to the B-list movies section.

Halloween (2018)

I’ll bet Jamie Lee Curtis had this same look on her face while she read the scripts for the last two installments. Then, she double-checked her bank account balance to shake the mood.

Halloween (2018) breathed new life into the franchise. A hardened, weapons-trained Laurie Strode was just itching for Michael Myers to escape so she could face her demon and kill it.

She wanted this to protect her estranged daughter and more understanding granddaughter from an evil they couldn’t comprehend.

And despite its flaws (too many thinly drawn secondary characters, Anybody seen Julian?!, and more), the movie got one BIG thing right: Laurie and Michael face off in an extended, tension-filled battle sequence.

I had high hopes for the next two installments. They’d set up the new story world, and they were saving the best for the next two installments.

The pandemic made us wait an extra year to find out how WRONG I was about that.

Green peaked with this installment. The Blu Ray version’s extras include a digital version, deleted scenes, extended scenes, and more for less than $9.

Halloween Kills (2021)

Halloween Kills.... except at the box office. Right, Mr. Greene? Although, I know it killed me to think how much better this movie could’ve should’ve been.

Halloween Kills squandered the goodwill Halloween (2018) earned.

It keeps Laurie and Michael apart the ENTIRE MOVIE.

It keeps Laurie in the hospital ALMOST the ENTIRE MOVIE. The opening scene is the only scene she’s not in the movie because she’s en route to the hospital.

I understand she sustained injuries, but this is a MOVIE. She’s supposed to summon superhuman strength and will because she’s dealing with her (im)mortal enemy.

Give her a standing eight-count, then back into the ring she goes.

Keeping Laurie and Michael apart the entire movie is like keeping Kong and Godzilla on separate islands for an entire movie.

Turns out Green was just warming up, though, because along came…

Halloween Ends (2022)

A cool poster for an uncool movie.

Green left the Halloween franchise for dead with this hot mess that screams, “I NEVER want to work with a beloved horror intellectual property AGAIN.”

Then, Halloween Ends doubled down: They abandoned canon.

Let’s give Michael Myers a protege who—despite the fact that high school kids bully him—becomes the alpha in their “relationship.”

And let’s let him overpower Michael, too. The fans will LOVE us!

Ends made the least money in the rebooted trilogy for good reason. And Michael’s never had a better reason to wear a mask. Hides his disappointment.

Never his rage, though. The guy wears that on his sleeve.

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

This creepy poster contributed to a solid marketing campaign. Then they released the movie and exorcised any hope for box office success.

Two teen girls sneak away from school, going missing for a few days before they’re found, seemingly unharmed.

Except they each have a new “invisible friend.” And it makes itself known in subtle, unsettling ways. At first.

Not bad so far, right?

Green isn’t done yet.

A ragtag “exorcist team” consisting of parents with differing beliefs takes action when he church won’t.

Green’s still not done.

The demon makes them choose which girl will live. The ultimate stakes, right?

Green’s still not done.

One of the girls dies.

Now, he’s done.

As done as I am with his work in this genre.

B-list movie remakes with A-list directors

Frankenstein. Nosferatu. The Wolfman. Gill-Man (← How unoriginal is that nickname for The Creature from the Black Lagoon?).

All, B-movie classics getting a modern take from a prominent director.

Wolf Man (2025)

Love this minimalist poster, just tears it up! No sign of the wolf man, yet every sign that the conditions are ideal for it to make an appearance.

I spoke about Wolf Man’s trailer in a previous edition. It looks to be in great hands with Leigh Whannell (Saw, The Invisible Man, Insidious) in the director’s chair, and it hits theaters in January.

Nosferatu (2025)

Whoa! Need my sunglasses to look at this one! Go monochrome, or go home.

Robert Eggars (The Northman, The Lighthouse) is tackling Nosferatu. I haven’t seen ANY Nosferatu movie. This version sneaks into theaters Christmas Day. I know where I‘ll be! (← Home. No interest in it. Yet?)

If the movie’s as dark as its poster, that could change my mind, too.

Frankenstein (2025)

I appreciate Kermit for stepping up so I could provide a visual for this movie. He didn’t appreciate not landing a part in it. The dude NEVER gets to show his acting range.

No poster, no problem, said Kermit the Frog.

Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy, The Shape of Water) is in post-production on Frankenstein. It’s slated for release in 2025.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon (2025)

The Creature (that’s the one on the right) hasn’t aged a bit! Can’t wait to see his modern look in this movie.

James Wan (Saw, Insidious, Malignant) will bring us The Creature from the Black Lagoon. This project seems to be early in pre-production with no casting announcements yet. It’s showing as a 2025 release on IMDB.

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Can you believe that’s a wrap for November? I’m still working through my Halloween candy! Guess it would help if I stopped buying it.

As always, hit me up with questions or comments. Thanks for being a reader!